Wedding shower

So a very good friend of mine is getting married this summer. Today was her wedding shower. To me, wedding showers are one of the worst marital traditions since the bouquet toss. They really don't even make sense anymore; most couples are living together before they get married ("Living in SIN" as my mother likes to remind me), so they don't need all their friends, family, and second-cousins to buy them blenders and toasters, etc. The food is always bland, the party games suck, and worst of all they never serve alcohol.

This bridal shower was worse than most because it was run by my friend's 10 bridesmaids, six of whom were all in the same sorority in college. It was like being at a shower run by the Stepford Wives: they're all thin, pretty, smiling, contemptuous bitches. I went to high school with a few of them and other than the slight variations in hair color (almost all blonde highlights, like, Ohmigod) and huge rocks on their left hand, it was exactly the same cliquey bullshit. I wanted to shout at them, "OH yeah? Well while you were off getting married and pregnant I got.....um, a law degree. So there."

The icing on the proverbial cake? The party was alphabet themed (a large chunk of the bridesmaids were also teachers). Each guest was assigned a letter and you could only bring a gift that started with that letter. I got "B" (my mother asked if that stood for "bitch"...with the femnazis in charge I wouldn't be surprised). My mother got "G". After perusing the wedding registry, my mother despaired that there was nothing that started with G. I told her to be creative and get cake products and say the "G" stands for "gateaux" which is French for cake. Proud of our witty solution to the thematic conundrum, we watched in dismay as the gift was handed down the assembly line of sorority sisters who opened the package for her and presented it to her for her approval.

My gift? A Bundt pan and beige bath towels. Double word score for the towels.