Alcohol, a party time necessity

So some of you may know my incredible knack for saying some of the dumbest thing ever. In college, my darling friend René (of Sweetest Things fame) used to keep a quotes webpage and I was on there quite a bit.

I just got in to work after a meeting with a local attorney (who asked me to come work for him "if I ever wanted to use my conscience" (!!)). I was really wound up. My new cubemate, Erin, informed me that the office holiday party was going to be taking place at a local bar. In my agitated state, my only concern was: is there going to be alcohol, and are we allowed to drink it? Now, in my own defense, this is a fair question: I work for a large corporation that has a strict policy when it comes to alcohol at parties (alcohol --> drunk employees --> sexual harrasment, drunk driving, falling into chemical mixing vats and becoming life-size plastic army men, etc. --> lawsuits!!). So I was curious whether we would be allowed to drink. Erin said it really didn't come up, there wasn't a lot of talk about alcohol. In my panic, I saw the head IP lawyer walking past. He is new, Southern, polite (definitely not a Wookie)--and I have a huge crush on him. I called to him over the cube and said "John, question: is there going to be alcohol at the alcohol party??" The people in the area around my cube dissolved into giggles (it really doesn't take much). John offered to take me to the bar that very instant and call me a cab for the ride home. My boss (who happened to be walking past when I announced my alcoholism) said clearly we need to turn the office holiday party into an intervention.

The moral of the story is that no matter how much you try to repress your inner alcoholic, every once in awhile she rears her fermented, gin-soaked head and says "fugyouimnotdrunkenufyet" to the world before falling asleep in a pile near the toilet with her keys still in the lock on the front door.