Up on the roooooof....

So I locked myself out of my parent's house while I was preparing for my "Parents-are-gone-lets-throw-a-party" cook-out. My parents never left the house while I was still living there, so I have to throw my high school type parties now that I am an adult and live on my own. Whatever.

So I'm sitting in the garage, wondering what I was going to do. I had:
--an emergency key to my car.
--my cell phone.
--a cube of Diet Coke.
--a J. Crew catalog.

I knew my parent's had a spare key somewhere, because they had just gotten into an argument when my father locked himself out and my mother called him a numbnut for not using the spare key. The question was: where was the spare key?

With my nosy neighbors staring through their blinds at me from across the street, I trekked around the house and garage saying to myself "if I were a spare key, where would I hide?" I looked under rocks, lawn ornaments, wreaths, etc. but all I found were those bugs that look like little armadillos.

I knew I had only one choice: admit defeat and call the folks. I got my dad while he was at a race.
"Hello?" VRROOOOOOM!
"Dad?"
"Hello?" VRRRROOOOOOOOM!!
"Dad, I locked myself out."
"Hello?!?" VRROOOOM, VROOOOM, VRRRRROOOOOM!
"DAD I LOCKED MYSELF OUT WHERE IS THE SPARE KEY?"
"Jessica?" VRRRROOOOOOOOM!!!

Five minutes later, by text message, my father informs me he doesn't know where the spare key was. (Still). He suggested calling my mother, which meant tracking down the number of the casino she was staying at.

She informs me that we have a hide-a-key out front. As I am leaping for joy across the yard, about to unscrew the sunflower, she says "But the key isn't in there anymore."
"Why isn't the key in there anymore?"
"I took it out."
"Why would you take it out??"
"Because the sunflower is summer."
"So?"
"It is fall now."
"So?"
"The sunflower doesn't match. I need a fall/winter hide-a-key."

Last ditch effort: going through one of the windows on the second story (which, in my irresponsibility turning into brilliance, I had left a couple open). I called my ex in the event I should fall of the roof he could call 911. He came over and watched as I set up the ladder near the porch roof. Problem: the top of the ladder is a rather large distance from the bottom of the roof. And I am wearing my really cute kitten-heel t-strap shoes. Solution: my ex goes up on the roof for me. As I watched from the ground and the neb-noses across the street watched from their windows, he broke into one of the bedroom windows.

I think this is why my parents never left the house until I was gone.