Sock it to me

So I consider myself a reasonably stylish individual. I usually match. I enjoy clothes that have a timeless quality to them. I try to keep up with trends, but I generally do not give in to fads (I can honestly say I NEVER wore a dress or a skirt with work boots, thank you).

My problem has always been socks.

I've never been good with socks. No matter what I have on, they always seem to be slightly off. Like today, I thought I was fine, everything is of the same general color scheme, but upon closer inspection it seems patterned socks are too busy for striped pants. I look like one of those old people who insists on wearing multiple patterns at the same time (I see plaid pants and a polka dot shirt in my future).

It doesn't help that I seem to have a penchant for children's footwear. I am supposedly an adult, and yet I own: 1 pair of socks with Carebears, 1 pair with the Powerpuff girls, 1 pair with neon sailboats, 1 pair with the American flag, 1 pair with flamingos, 2 pairs with hearts, 2 pairs with cats, 1 pair with a cat and a dog, 1 pair with shoes (footwear displaying other footwear? BRILLIANT), 1 pair with umbrellas, 1 pair with the Abominable Snowmonster, and a Happy Hanukah pair with many Stars of David.

I need an "Extreme Makeover: Sock Edition". I need a celebrity stylist guru to assess my sock drawer. But I will never, ever give up my Abominable Snowmonster socks.