Holy Crap

So I was late to church today. When I am late, I try to force myself to sit in the front pew, kind of as a reminder that I was late and I should try to get to church on time. Today there was a family in the front pew but there was more than enough room for me. I sat down and service began. As the various people walked up the aisle, I spotted him--gorgeous red hair, great Roman nose, bright blue eyes. I almost melted. He was the liturgical minister, which meant he sat near the altar off to one side. I tried not to stare but I had lost control of my eyes which kept drifting over to him.

So we had a visiting priest (the normal guy was sick). He was the fastest talker I have ever heard. It was seriously like being in the presence of an auctioneer: "INTHEnameofthefather
ANDofthesonANDoftheholyspirITweaskthisthroughCHRI-ISTourlord." I giggled slightly and the Cute Boy caught my eye and smiled. We had a moment! Laughing about the priest! We were totally meant to be. I spent the rest of the first half of mass practically making out with him with my eyes.

Then as the first part of mass ended the Cute Boy got up to go sit down with the congregation. He was walking toward me! I have to admit, I was a little shocked...I mean, I know I'm really charming, but I didn't think I could convey all that in a wink and a smile. But as he got closer I realized he wasn't looking at me, he was looking to my right....to his family. He hadn't been looking at me at all! When he got to the pew he finally looked at me and said "Excuse me, can I squeeze through? You're kind of in my spot." OHMYGOD.

I spent the rest of the service trying to blend in with the oak pew. When we got to the kneeling part of mass, I didn't have a kneeler. He started to offer me a portion of his kneeler, but didn't finish his sentence when he realized I would have had to put one knee between his to actually fit (which would have been an amazing kinetic experience if in fact he had been silently falling in love with me as I had with him during the past half an hour). I kneeled on the ground like the pentitent man and prayed that auctioneer priest would get the service over with as quickly as possible. No wonder the deacon was looking at me funny--I hope he didn't think I was thinking about the caridnal sins with him! I took an extra long sip of wine at communion which helped a little but as soon as the final blessing was delivered I grabbed my purse and high-tailed it out the door.

I am going to have to find a new church.