Service at the speed of the roadrunner (a fat, lazy, roadrunner that has been hit by a semi.)

So my cable and internet have been out since last weekend. On Sunday night, after being on hold for an hour and half, I spoke with a lovely Time Warner Representative who informed me that a repairman would come as soon as possible, which meant next Saturday. I told her that was unacceptable, I'm a student, I need my internet, blah blah blah. There wasn't anything she could do, but she did say "I'm so sorry" 18 times. Before we finished the call, she asked "Would you like to purchase additional Time Warner services?" "What, and have to wait a week for you to repair those when they go out? Hahahahaha" Click.

I tried calling them again later in the week to express my disappointment in their services and the Saturday repair job. Again, no dice.

Tuesday while I was checking my school email at work, I received this lovely email from Time Warner (ironic, isn't it, that they chose to communicate with me by email when I didn't have an internet connection.). I have taken the liberty of adding a few clarifying remarks.

Dear Ms. (Schmuck):
Thank you for contacting our office. At this time, the service appointment that is scheduled for 2/25/06 is the soonest we can get a technician out to you (in the middle of ghetto Akron where we can't get anyone to go because someone will probably try to steal our van and hock the parts). I do apologize for the inconvenience this matter has caused you. If you have any questions or need further assistance please feel free to contact our office (although it is most likely that we won't do a damn thing to help you).
Thank you for choosing Time Warner Cable for you home entertainment needs (even though you really didn't have any choice in the matter because in these parts, Time Warner Cable is God). The cornerstone of our philosophy has always been to provide "excellence in customer service" and we will continue to provide the high quality of service you expect and deserve from Time Warner Cable. (Of course, our cornerstone will crumble unless high quality of service means going for weeks without said service.) (I swear I did not put that bit about excellence in quotes...that is their language.)
Sincerely, Your On-Line Time Warner Cable Representative

My scheduled appointment was between 12 and 2 o'clock. At 1:45, I received a call from Time Warner asking me if my cable was still out. I said "Oh my god, it is! What are the odds of that?". At 2:30 a repair-lesbian knocked on the door. Five minutes later I had cable again. Actually, 148 hours and 35 minutes later.

Boogie-woogie Flu

So why is it that you can't smell the boogers while they are in your nose, but once you blow your nose, the kleenex stinks?


Editor's note: The original title to this post was "Boo-woogie Flu" which of course makes no sense since I was trying to tie the title of the blog and the song in with the subject (boogie--boogers) and the word "boo-woogie" does not mean anything unless I have just invented a new way to address the love of your life, your boo, if you will.

This is the year we get that one for the thumb...

So who is Bill Cowher smiling like a big ol' Chershire cat for?

Ben Rothlisberger? Nope: in all his mountain man studdly-ness, Big Ben had a quarterback rating of 22.6, the lowest of any winning Super Bowl que-bee.

Joey Porter? Nah, the walking mouth of the Stillers D was mostly silent all Sunday night.

Jerome Bettis? Eh, maybe: the Bus did have a few carries but could not put it in the garage from the one yard line.

The officials: Bigger maybe, although they have not been a fan of the black and gold in the past few decades.

No, I think that Cowher is smiling rather than spitting because of me and my lucky yellow thong.

You're welcome, Coach.