Up on the roooooof....

So I locked myself out of my parent's house while I was preparing for my "Parents-are-gone-lets-throw-a-party" cook-out. My parents never left the house while I was still living there, so I have to throw my high school type parties now that I am an adult and live on my own. Whatever.

So I'm sitting in the garage, wondering what I was going to do. I had:
--an emergency key to my car.
--my cell phone.
--a cube of Diet Coke.
--a J. Crew catalog.

I knew my parent's had a spare key somewhere, because they had just gotten into an argument when my father locked himself out and my mother called him a numbnut for not using the spare key. The question was: where was the spare key?

With my nosy neighbors staring through their blinds at me from across the street, I trekked around the house and garage saying to myself "if I were a spare key, where would I hide?" I looked under rocks, lawn ornaments, wreaths, etc. but all I found were those bugs that look like little armadillos.

I knew I had only one choice: admit defeat and call the folks. I got my dad while he was at a race.
"Hello?" VRROOOOOOM!
"Dad?"
"Hello?" VRRRROOOOOOOOM!!
"Dad, I locked myself out."
"Hello?!?" VRROOOOM, VROOOOM, VRRRRROOOOOM!
"DAD I LOCKED MYSELF OUT WHERE IS THE SPARE KEY?"
"Jessica?" VRRRROOOOOOOOM!!!

Five minutes later, by text message, my father informs me he doesn't know where the spare key was. (Still). He suggested calling my mother, which meant tracking down the number of the casino she was staying at.

She informs me that we have a hide-a-key out front. As I am leaping for joy across the yard, about to unscrew the sunflower, she says "But the key isn't in there anymore."
"Why isn't the key in there anymore?"
"I took it out."
"Why would you take it out??"
"Because the sunflower is summer."
"So?"
"It is fall now."
"So?"
"The sunflower doesn't match. I need a fall/winter hide-a-key."

Last ditch effort: going through one of the windows on the second story (which, in my irresponsibility turning into brilliance, I had left a couple open). I called my ex in the event I should fall of the roof he could call 911. He came over and watched as I set up the ladder near the porch roof. Problem: the top of the ladder is a rather large distance from the bottom of the roof. And I am wearing my really cute kitten-heel t-strap shoes. Solution: my ex goes up on the roof for me. As I watched from the ground and the neb-noses across the street watched from their windows, he broke into one of the bedroom windows.

I think this is why my parents never left the house until I was gone.

The Wal-mart of Law Schools Pays Tribute

So this is the newest edition to the University of Akron:


Thanks to Greg for the photo.

It is a sculpture, dedicated to polymers. Or, it is giant rock candy stick. Or, it is a large blue fallic symbol (Oola's thought). Or, it is the university's immortal tribute to the Wal-mart blue plastic bag. Honestly, the first time I saw it I thought it wasn't done yet and the blue bags were covering it until it could be finished. But the blue plastic bags never left.

For an institution that believes in deep discount pricing, you would think that they could have gotten a sculpture for $19.99. But no--this one cost $475,000.
Read the article here.

Katrina continued

So I feel the need to write something serious after the last post in light of what actually happened in Louisiana and Mississippi after Hurricane Katrina hit. I read the post and it just didn't seem right to keep it up as the last word on the one of the worst disasters to hit the United States--both natural (the winds and flooding) and man-made (the complete chaos the city of New Orleans has descended into).

I feel like there wasn't enough done, and there isn't enough being done. There is no one in control. Where is the big, powerful president who doesn't stand down in the face of adversity and could get the job done? Why was funding for the levees surrounding New Orleans cut?Why did it take until FRIDAY when the hurricane hit on MONDAY to deploy the National Guard? My friend Daniel brought to my attention the idea of comandeering a couple of cruise ships and putting people on those. In a time of national crisis, people should come before profits.

If you can, give. This isn't a situation where a couple people are displaced for a little while. Most people that live there lost everything. And like the tsunami, this isn't a situation where one push for donations will do it: this is going to be months, maybe years before things are even close to normal, if they ever can be returned.